i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
