he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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