I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
