I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
