I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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