An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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