In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
