rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
