Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
