I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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