Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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