U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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