I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
