I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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