I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
