New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
