From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize