The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
