You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just high enough for therapy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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