Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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