Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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