I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
