Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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