The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
