If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
