he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
