Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
