My hand turned me down
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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