My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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