she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
