Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have post one night stand depression
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
