Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
