i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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