remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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