Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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