just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
