Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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