i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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