So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
