What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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