I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
