I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
