That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
