also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
