Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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