I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
