hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
