I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
