Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
