she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
