And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
