Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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