I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
