"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drake has all the answers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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