forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
