i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
