Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
