Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
