What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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