3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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