Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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