Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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