I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
