I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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