I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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