Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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