My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
