Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
