Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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