forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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