It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
