I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am available for nakedness
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
