Your face is a jimmy john
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
