He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
