is your mom at the bar?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
