I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize