I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
