i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
