why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
