It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
