Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
