So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
